I finally learned how to change the oil in my car today after, like, four years of anticipation. During the last few months of my dad’s life, I was getting interested in do-it-yourself car maintenance and he showed me some basic things. Once he died, though, I didn’t have anyone to guide me. I’m glad MC’s dad knows how to do car stuff and was willing to take the time to tutor me.
I got this in response to my video recording of me (and my voice) with a cold:
You’re cute when you have a cold. I wonder, whilst you still have the cold weather you could make a video of you blowing your nose, it’s just something I like. that would be cool.
Get well soon.
One of MC’s friends said that she did a Google image search for “genderqueer” and two pictures of me came up. MC and I checked for ourselves, and yep, her friend was right: the first picture is of Amos Mac photographing me (but you can’t see my face) and the second one is from my profile on Genderfork. That’s kind of crazy.
I have been taking bi-weekly injections (50 mg/every other week)for two predominant reasons: needles freak me out and my girlfriend gets really anxious every time she has to give me my shot. The T injection experience is stressful for both us, so we opt towards the bi-weekly method.
I do wonder if my changes would be pacing differently if I took my shot weekly (25mg/week), though. For instance, my voice tends to “regress” a bit during the second week after my shot; if I was taking a weekly shot, would there be such a regression? I feel like that by taking my shot every other week, I’m letting my T levels drop a bit during that second week (I think T is most active in your system during 7 to 10 days after your shot), which maybe makes my changes lag a bit.
Whatever the case, I’m actually quite pleased with the slow, gradual changes that I am undergoing on this low dose of bi-weekly T. I can’t help but feel kind of curious how my body would react to weekly injections, though.
My cat of almost 15 years, Midnight, passed away in 2006. While it has been over four years since she’s been around, I can remember just the way she felt in my arms. I have held many cats since her death, but none of them can match that exact sensation of having my Midnight hoisted above the ground and pressed against my body.
Reflecting upon this memory segued into thoughts about other tactile memories of my past. Predictably, I started thinking about such memories involving my experiences of gender, and I quickly realized that I have little or no tactile recollection of what it felt like to have a bare, flat chest. This would seem pretty obvious, since I haven’t had a flat chest since 1995, but it hit me as some sort of revelation when it occurred to me. I felt cheated and frustrated; maybe if I had a stronger long-term memory, this could be a tactile memory that I could cherish, just as I do the one with Midnight.
I remember running and diving onto my mom’s bed, sliding across the comforter on my stomach, over and over again. It’s a memory of the action, though, not the tactile sensation. My mother said something to me that somehow I still remember: “You won’t want to do that when you have breasts.”
I would slowly adapt and probably lead a much more fulfilling life, ha. Without electricity (AKA the internet), I would spend more time reading, playing guitar, going to the gym, and maybe even make art for the first time in, like, five years. Additionally, all of the food I ate would have to be fresh - not refrigerated or frozen - which I’m sure would be better for my health.
The internet has been a bittersweet presence in my life since 1995.
I majored in Communication Disorders and Speech and Language Disabilities.
I went to SUNY New Paltz for both my undergraduate and graduate degrees. I had a good time there; much better than when I went to Binghamton University for my freshman year.
clockworkgarden replied to your post: What dose of T are you currently on and have you had any downstairs growth yet?
Is it creepy to ‘like’ this? I promise it’s because I’m excited about the prospect for myself, not because I’m thinking about your private parts. XD
Haha. Nope; I get what you’re saying.
I’ve been on 50mg/every other week since July 8th, 2010. I noticed some very subtle downstairs growth within the first week of taking T, and it has been gradually growing ever since.
I think there’s an important verb inadvertently omitted from this message, but I think I get the gist of it and I thank you for greatly!
I have just returned from my first GYN appointment since being out. The doctor was really awesome and apparently sees lots of trans guys. Here’s her information for those of you who live in NYC and are looking for someone:
Dr. Zoe Rodriguez
10 Union Square East, Suite 2B
New York, NY 10003
Phone: (212) 844-8590
Fax: (212) 844-8501
I suppose the funniest way might be to hire a clown to bombastically enter said person’s work place and make balloon letters spelling out the STD that they have contracted.
The most horrible way might be to send the person gratuitous tickets to the Super Bowl and then have an announcement made by a broadcaster via JumboTron at the big game revealing that they have contracted an STD, followed by a show a slide show of images of the person and what their genitalia might look like when the disease is in bloom.
My favorite thing to eat: Pad Thai
My favorite thing to drink: High quality dark stout beer
My favorite thing to do: A tie between being in the company of people I can be myself around and sleeping
My favorite band: A tie between They Might Be Giants and Elliott Smith
My favorite animal: Cats
I’m 25 and I do have a girlfriend. We’ve been together since July 2008 and if I’m lucky, I’ll be with her for the rest of my existence.
I self-identify as awkward and often feel that way in social situations. I’m not sure how much I am perceived as awkward by others.
I have one brother. He’s 27.
My dad died in 2006, before I was “out” as anything. My mom has been in utter disapproval of my gender variance since I was 8. She does not know that I am taking hormones or that I do not identify as female. I haven’t told her anything because I really do not want to behold how much she will flip out. She gives me enough shit for wearing masculine clothing, binding, not shaving my body hair, and for having short hair.
The hair is creeping up my thighs, but I’m happy to announce that I do not have ass hair yet.
I have been noticing that the changes in my voice are kind of cyclical and based on when I take my shot. For instance, during the first couple of days after my shot, my voice cracks more and sounds deeper. After a few days, though, it seems to revert a little bit - not to the way I sounded pre-T - but just a little bit higher in pitch then the previous handful of days. I’m not sure if this sort of thing is typical for most folks taking T via injection, or whether it’s because I’m on such a relatively low dose.
The cyclical waxing and waning of voice changes kind of throws me off, though. When my voice is cracking often and sounds kind of deeper a few days after my shot, I think to myself, “Hmm - I don’t want my voice to get too low, maybe this will be my last shot”. However, when my voice reverts a bit, I feel more certain that I will take my next shot.
When the Flying Spaghetti Monster put us together, I think his Noodley Highness got some things wrong.
p.s. you know you want me.
Be my chin hair donor?
I first spotted this cock when it was on clearance at Babeland. It was somewhat larger than I was accustomed to using and wasn’t overly realistic, but it did have an opening in the back for a bullet-shaped vibrator to be inserted, which is something I had never experienced before. Additionally, the firmness of John Doe was superior to any other silicone cock that I had ever laid my hands on. I’ve always been critical about how floppy some silicone cocks tend to be. With functionality and price in mind, I purchased John Doe. I also bought a buzz vibe to place in the back compartment of John Doe so that I can feel some sensation from it as it was harnessed to me.
The first time I used the John Doe, it was held in the Pleasure Principle harness. Unfortunately, this particular harness had no opening for the wearer to really experience the vibration of the buzz vibe. My partner didn’t care for the vibrating sensation that accompanied the John Doe, so we just proceeded to use John Doe without the buzz vibe from then on. I should also mention that I had positioned the buzz vibe in the John Doe in such a way that the black activator button was facing my body, so almost every time I would thrust, the buzz vibe would turn on and off - not very exciting for me. Additionally, I had pushed the buzz vibe so far in John Doe that it actually got stuck; I had to use a pair of pliers to rescue the vibe, leaving it with some scars on its exterior.
When I purchased the Spareparts Joque Harness, I decided to give John Doe a try again since this harness had an opening in it and would allow me to feel the direct sensation of John Doe. I had the buzz vibe positioned so that it stuck out at least one inch from John Doe, allowing the vibe to make direct contact with the the underside of my biological cock. Now, that was a BIG difference from the last time I had tried using John Doe. I felt much more sensation from the buzz vibe during sex and made sure that the button activator was inside John Doe so that the vibration was constant. The vibe felt very secure in its spot and I had no fear that it would fall out.
Unlike most silicone cocks, John Doe can be used with silicone lubricant. It’s made of a certain grade of silicone that doesn’t deteriorate when in contact with silicone lubricant. Also, the opening in the back of John Doe can snugly fit a silver bullet vibrator or a super bullet, if you’re looking for vibration that is a bit more intense and don’t mind the wires.
For those of you who are looking to do some solo playing with John Doe, do know that although its base is flat, it does not have a good suction on the bottom like many silicone cocks tend to.
Overall, I am very pleased with John Doe. If there was one thing I could change about it, it would be to make the cock look and feel more realistic, like a VixSkin cock.
John Doe is available in a vanilla color, brown color, and black color.
(My partner finds John Doe a little too large at times if she’s not, uh, really warmed up. So, if you plan on purchasing John Doe, make sure that you and/or your partner are okay with the measurements)