...And miles to go before I sleep

This was the first “strap-on” cock I ever used. The person I was with had bought it as a cheap all-in-one alternative to purchasing a harness and cock separately. The product is unique in that the cock is completely hollow on the inside, allowing people who have difficulty sustaining an erection to use this as an aid during sexual activities. The dual purpose aspect of it is neat and leads to some rather large proportions: 7 inches in length and I’m not even sure what the circumstance is, but something pretty girthy. The hollowness of the cock allowed for a small, narrow vibrator (e.g., a bullet) to be inserted inside of it for additional sensation.

The cock attaches to the body with stretchy narrow elastic straps that offer little ability for adjustment. Being a somewhat small-framed person, all of the straps were too loose on me, even at the tightest capacity, and I experienced a lot of lag and distance while giving penetration. Often I had to use my hand to attempt to secure the cock tightly to my body or to make sure the straps were not falling off my thighs. With time, the straps became even more loose with general wear and tear.

An additional flaw is that the cock is not made of silicone. In fact, I’m not even sure what it’s made out of. If I had to take a guess, I would say vinyl. We washed it with soap and water, which was kind of an awkward situation when you live in a dorm and share a bathroom with other students. After being washed, the cock had to be hung to allow the elastic straps to dry - once again, awkward if you share a room with another person.

With a retail price of about $25, I would recommend this cock as a cheap, short-term alternative if you’re a somewhat desperate situation. Otherwise, I would recommend purchasing a silicone cock with a more reputable harness.

I got called “boss” again today. Explicitly gendered interactions with strangers are weird.

It depends. If I’m with people I feel comfortable with and at a beach (or any other body of water) that isn’t too crowded, I’ll just wear swimming trunks (like in this picture). If I’m with people I’m not very “out” to and in a populated area, I’ll wear swimming trunks and a rash guard shirt with a binder underneath (like in this picture).

Ask me anything

I’ve known Kate since we were in Kindergarten. We befriended one another in high school, dated for 3 1/2 years, attended colleges in the Hudson Valley region of New York, and both came out as trans* during adulthood.

Kate usually prefers not to subscribe to any particular gender non-conforming labels, but has described herself as a “genderqueer trans lady” and uses female pronouns.

During high school and college, Kate played a paramount role in helping me understand and accept my gender identity. She introduced me to gender theory and a general awareness of transgender issues both within and outside of the community. Additionally, when I encountered resistance and verbal harassment from my mother regarding my gender presentation, Kate would be a voice of reason to alleviate the distress.

Even if neither of us came out as trans*, I know that Kate would still be a close and dear friend of mine. However, I find the fact that we both came out as trans* a neat little gem of our friendship.

Revered as “the Cadillac of Vibrators”, this product certainly lives up to that title. The Hitachi Magic Wand has been a bedroom essential for MC and I since we first purchased it in 2008. The purpose of our acquisition was to assist MC in experiencing her first clitoral orgasm, as the other battery-operated vibrators we had tried just were not powerful enough. Well, the Hitachi was quite successful in that, and has served me well, too.

The Wand has two intensity settings “Low” and “High”, though I think more accurate descriptors for these levels would be “Vigorous” and “HOLY SHIT”. Fueled by a two-prong plug stuck in an outlet, the vibrations per second generated by the Magic Wand simply cannot be surpassed by any battery-operated vibrator. The large head of the wand also covers a larger surface area than most other vibrators, creating a sizable radius of vibration that is blunt, but certainly not dull.

I enjoy using the Wand for masturbation, sex, and while getting head. During sex, I hold the Wand near the base of my harnessed cock, which provides me with enough stimulation to get off while fucking. When I’m getting a blowjob, I also hold the Wand near the base of my silicone cock and allow it to move with the rhythm of the act. The Wand is so intense that I do not need to position it directly onto my cock during masturbation; it can be through a harness, underwear, or even thin pants.

Unfortunately, the head of the Wand is not made of a material that can be completely sterilized, such as silicone, so if you are sharing it among partners, you should place a condom over it. Another downside to the Wand is that it’s not very portable or discrete - it’s about a foot long and requires an outlet to operate.

There’s an attachment that has been made for the head of the Hitachi Magic Wand, but MC and I haven’t had any experience with it. Additionally, there is a Wand Controller that gives you more options for the intensity of the Wand.

Overall, I am a huge fan of the Hitachi Magic Wand. It’s a quality product that has served MC and I through three solid years of use.

I have a crush on a heterosexual cisgender male. This hasn’t happened in a really long time!

Today I spoke with Gal Meyer, the physician from Callen-Lorde who contacted me a week ago after reading about my difficulty in accessing my testosterone patch prescription. He explained to me that Androderm recently changed their dosing regimen, were on back order, and would only be available through Callen-Lorde’s pharmacy in the future for hundreds of dollars per month rather than the $12 I had previously paid. I asked about testosterone gel and he informed me that it would cost me about $60 per month. I expressed my desire to continue using affordable transdermal testosterone rather than injections, and we decided that I would resume my testosterone cream prescription through Women’s International Pharmacy, but this time at an appropriate dose. Dr. Meyer was friendly, patient, and helpful.

I’m not sure how long it will take my new prescription to be sorted with the upcoming holidays and such, so for practical measures, I’m going to have my friend give me another testosterone shot tomorrow and hope that within two weeks I will have testosterone cream in my hand.

I’ll miss using my testosterone patches. I found them to be less time consuming than the cream, but I will be glad to be creating less waste from packaging and such when I’m back on the cream.

I’m going to be putting one of my binders into retirement after today. It’s very worn, a hand-me-down from my buddy who had top surgery, and no longer gives me a satisfactory profile. I want it to continue to serve a purpose for someone else, though. Since it’s so stretched out, maybe someone who usually wears a size “S” (it’s a size XS tri-top) in Underworks binders would benefit from it. I would ship it for free to anyone who is interested. Any takers?

(This is awesome. I just called him)

Ask me anything

Every now and then, I experience sexual dreams in which I get off in some way or another. These nocturnal climaxes always feel spectacular and very vivid. I often wake up wondering if my body physically had an orgasm while I was slumbering or whether my brain was able to fabricate the sensations of one.

I have experienced some subtle changes since beginning testosterone patches a month ago. The majority of these changes have felt very internal, such as an increase in appetite, energy, and sex drive. The only visible, physical change that I have noticed is more pimples on my face. Perceptually, I don’t think my voice has changed much, though it has had some instances of cracking, usually when I’m speaking loudly. The side effects I’ve experienced so far are headaches and some abdominal cramping.

For those of you who don’t know, Callen-Lorde is the clinic I go to in Manhattan to get testosterone. I am so grateful that this LGBT-friendly center exists at such a convenient proximity to me and will forever be appreciative of how they helped me access testosterone when I had no insurance and was making just above minimum wage to get by.

That being said, it’s unfortunate that Callen-Lorde has become notorious for errors with appointments and prescriptions. I was told yesterday that the prescription for my testosterone patches was ready and to come in and pick them up today. This afternoon, I traveled to Callen-Lorde only to be told that the patches were out of stock and I wouldn’t be able to acquire them until at least Tuesday. This made me feel very frustrated; I need my patches on a daily basis to keep my testosterone levels within transitional levels. The idea of my testosterone levels dropping and then having to experience the side effects of such (mood, energy, sleep) was upsetting.

Since I left Callen-Lorde empty-handed, I got in touch with a friend of mine who said he would give me an emergency T shot if I ever needed one due to a Callen-Lorde error. Today was the day. There’s a Band-Aid on my ass and I am feeling thankful for my friend Seth. He gave me a 50mg (.25mL of 200mg/mL T) injection that will last me two weeks.

Just shaved the tops of my thighs so that I can have another location to put my T patches. That might have been the hairiest razor I’ve ever seen.